A message for statistical analysts, from long ago: Clarence Patrick McDonald, in the San Francisco Call, March 2, 1913
O, dopester, we grow weary of your tables.
Of your compilations and your “batting strength.”
What magic do you hold that thus enables
You to spout and rave at such unseemly length?
Comparisons are odious. The spelling,
In your case, fits the onion and the cheese;
What motive power is it that’s impelling
Such a wheeze?
***
Why is it you narrate, in manner solemn,
Your reasons for your eulogistic chaff?
Is it necessary you should take a column
For what should occupy a paragraph?
Why write at all, when you are wildly guessing?
Why pen a hope and hazard all a fact?
Is it because you revel in a pressing
Void of tact?
***
Eschew the deadly parallel in doping;
Let bygones slumber in their downy neat;
Show less exertion and befuddled groping
In digging spasms long since laid to rest.
Remember we are human — cut the chatter,
Embellish thoughts that you so seldom find;
Forget your skill at elevating matter
Over mind.
— C. P. McDonald
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